Who’s going to love you and hold you when you’re at your worst? 

Who’s going love you and give their best even when you hurt them so bad and you just don’t give as much as they do? 

Who is always going to be there even without the regular talks and communications, but still manages to always know what to do when you break down and need support? 

Who’s that one person who stays even when the times are hard? 

Who’s that one person who stays after knowing the darkest, most embarrassing secret from your past that not even a single soul ever know before? 

Who’s that one amazing person who stands so strong on their own and supports you to go after your dreams? 

Who’s that one person who sees you breaking apart and pushes you so hard to get you back on your feet? 

Who’s going to take care of you when you’re sick, and looking so horrible, and they still find you the most attractive human being on this earth? 

Who’s that one amazing person who puts up such a fight and gives an enormous effort even when you don’t acknowledge them? 

Who’s willing to stay awake at 3 am in the morning just so they can listen to all the things you need to talk about when you had a rough day?

And while you read this, 

who popped into your mind? 

You remember that person at this very moment, don’t you? 

You remember the time when you told them your secrets and how relieved you were when you did not see any judgment from their eyes. 

You remember your first date. The first time you told them that you love them, and the amazing feeling when they told you that they loved you, too. 

You remember the time they cried over you, and how you witnessed how sincere their love and affections for you were. 

You remember giving them a list of reasons for why it would not work, and how they should find someone else. 

You remember giving them the reasons why they should just walk away. 

But they did not go anywhere,

they told you that they don’t want anyone else and they refused to let go. 

But you let them go anyway. 

No one can do quite like they did, is that it? 

And you’re pretty sure that no one will ever love you the way they did, aren’t you? 

We spend our lifetimes to find that one person, 

yet, as humans, we never really learn. 

We take those people who love us so unconditionally for granted after we found them. 

We wonder if we can find someone better, 

we get distracted by other people, and we get tired. 

But we forget that there are a lot of people who are better than us, but they stayed. 

And often, after it’s already too late, 

we realize that we’ve lost a diamond while we’re so busy observing the other grey rocks. 

But, we never really learned, did we?

We've seen the writing on the wall in almost every relationship. 

It was that gut feeling, that innate sense people can never really explain, we just feel it. 

That something that told us to stop, or keep going. 

Don’t text back. 

Keep your distance. 

He or she doesn’t mean this, or maybe they do. 

They mean it, so be careful. 

Like some love struck, 

We’ve predicted the outcome at every start. 

Sometimes, we ignored that voice. 

It was this morbid talent, 

strangely contrasted with our dreamy romanticism. 

How badly we just wanted to love someone forever, 

and believe me, 

I would. 

I would love forever in a moment,

but forever always had an expiration date. 

So whenever the foundation came crumbling apart,

I’d remember what I ignored. 

That siren warning song, 

and I couldn’t even be mad.

Forbidden Fruit

Our lives are stories, waiting to be told,

In search of silver linings,

We discovered gold,

And judgement taught us that our hearts were wrong.

But they're the ones that we'll look down upon,

The rules say our emotions don't comply,

But we'll defy the rules until we die,

So let's be sinners to be saints.

And let's be winners by mistake,

The world may disapprove,

But my world is only you,

And if we're sinners then it feels like heaven to me.

You showed me feelings,

I've never felt before,

We're making enemies, knocking on the devil's door,

But how can you expect me not to eat, 

When the forbidden fruit tastes so sweet?

We human are like an hourglass,

You flip it over,

The sand start falling down to the empty side,

It will come to a point where the top becomes empty.

Just like our feelings,

As we pour more feelings into someone,

What is the things that goes empty?

Mind? Promises? Dreams?

Or we can say,

As we put more effort into someone,

We never knew that we ourselves becomes empty,

We lost everything,

Every grain of it,

And we keep hoping,

That someone will come and flip that hourglass again,

Thus filling US up once more.

Love feels as though it should be the easiest thing in the world. And in the beginning, for the most part, it is. It is all smiles and butterflies, giddy excitement from a mere text message, daydreaming, uncontrollable grinning, a lightness in your step that definitely was not there before. It is bright, simple, and uncomplicated. But it doesn’t last that way forever. And it shouldn’t. 

Love is hard. Love is scary. But most of all, love is painful. Because whether you experience a relationship that ends up breaking your heart, or you’re lucky enough to find someone with whom your love lasts a lifetime, there will always be hurt occurring in some way. Your heart will always be at risk, and the only way to protect it is to block yourself off from love all together (but which is, ultimately, the biggest loss you could ever cause yourself).

Sometimes the risk will pay off. Unfortunately, other times it won’t. But either way, the best chance any of us have at finding the truest, purest, happiest form of love is by accepting the fact that it’s going to hurt no matter what. And that we don’t have any control over it. We don’t have to like it, we certainly don’t have to enthusiastically embrace the idea that love will hurt. But what we must do is be aware of the fact that we have to willingly opening ourselves up to pain, rejection, vulnerability, loss, and a whole lot of other uncomfortable emotions, if we want any chance at all of experiencing real love. The reason love is so amazing to begin with is that by opening our hearts wide enough, we make room for more joys and more highs than we’ve ever experienced before. But that’s why it’s scary – that extra room for happiness can double as extra room for pain.

One cannot occur without the other – love and pain. Either you experience a love that ends at some point, whether you wanted it to or not, and you undergo a deep heartache that is at once nauseating, discouraging, and something you’re convinced that you are incapable of coming back from. Or you fall and stay in love with someone for the rest of your life, and yet you still experience pain in another form – a form that involves a never-ending worry over their happiness, their health, over what you would ever do if you lost them or something horrible happened to them, the list doesn’t stop. It only ever gets longer.

So you have a choice. We all do. Either you allow yourself to become a prisoner of love, to make your decisions based around what option is the least likely to cause you any harm or pain and to view love as a danger rather than a gift. Or you accept it for everything that it is, which means looking the pain (or the risk of pain) in the face and being willing to experience it in some form – if you think there’s a chance that you’ll also experience happiness in a way that you never have before.

There’s no win-win here. There never is. Either your heart is safe but completely deprived of experiencing great love, or your heart is in more danger than it’s ever been while simultaneously experiencing a feeling so special that it’s practically impossible to put into words. It’s up to you. Just remember that safety is not the same thing as happiness. 

You have to know that these few weeks or month have not been easy for me to get through. 

There was a piece of you in the very oxygen I breathed and I’ve been suffocating since you left. 

You’ve haunted me for days and you are always there, in my 2 a.m. thoughts.

 I’ve been holding on to the memories of you in order to survive myself from the reality of us,

and I hate that. 

I know that I’ve gotten trapped between reality and my own beliefs;

 I do believe in fairy tales, in happily ever after, and in dreams coming true, and none of them exist now between you and I. 

What hurts the most is to realize that I have fallen in love with the idea of love and the idea of you;

not the real you. 

I have drowned in your illusions and I have ignored the fact that you were just any other girl. 

All this time, I was holding on to something surreal because you were never actually there. 

I was lying to myself about how familiar you were – in fact, 

I have never known you at all. 

I ignored the fact that I was losing myself in loving you. 

The journey of loving you was never easy for me; 

I was too selfless, and I sacrificed my own self-worth just to gain your affection. 

You played the game so perfectly yet I didn’t realized that my heart was your bet.

 Maybe I was too naive to realize that you never really meant the things you said. 

Maybe the way that you’ve always answered the things I’ve never asked was just a coincidence and all the things I believed as the sign that you were ‘the one’ were just disguises. 

All this time, you were talking to me with words while I was looking at you with feelings. 

The truth is you were just a woman who can’t love and all I did was fall into your traps and create a false version of you in my mind.

 I won’t apologize for being the one who loved the most. 

I have been true to myself and to you; 

I have always meant the things that I’ve said and I know that my feelings toward you were genuine.

 I am proud that I can be someone who is brave enough to admit the vulnerability of falling in love.

 I have risked my own heart to be broken and shattered, and I know someday it can be mended.

 I hope someday you can feel real love. 

I hope you can feel the joy, the roller coaster ride, the sadness, and the agony of falling in love. 

I hope someday you understand why I could be this broken. 

I hope someday you can completely feel the pleasure as someone you love gives you sweet little things and every word that he speaks feel like music to your ears. 

Treat him like he is your king and never less. 

Please take care of him the same way you take care of yourself, and don’t ever drop even a single piece of his heart. 

Always mean what you say and don’t make anybody fall into your charm without any intention to capture their heart. 

Promise me that I will be the last person who was drowning in your illusions, because every guy deserves the real love he can hold on forever.

 Even though you were just a part of an illusion, thank you for giving me the chance to feel what love was. 

Thank you for the butterflies, the excitement rush, and thank you for your sweet behaviors that completely fooled me. 

Thank you for making me realize that this world is not as sweet as the movies and I have to be my own salvation. 

You were such a wake up call for me to confront the reality; you were not the Princess, you were the clock that hits midnight as Cinderella ran through the stairs. 

Right now, I am letting you and your illusions go. 

I will gain myself back as I pick my shattered heart one by one. 

I promise you that I will be alright, but please understand that I should erase you from the path of my memories because I need to go back to living in reality. 

Soon enough, 

I will feel the warmth of the sun and the genuine love of the people who never leave my side. 

The universe will reveal the people who really love me for who I am and not for what I will become.

They will be the people who make me realize that true love exists and prove that my belief towards happily ever after is real. I won’t stop being the person who believes in love and I will always be the person who is brave enough to admit the vulnerability of love. You don’t have to worry about me, I will heal. All I know is I have lost you, but I found the reality of myself.