I Tried

Pills

I tried to tell myself that it was going to be okay,

But it is not,

Even with the pills,

The terror still comes.

I don't think I look like myself anymore,

I feel like I tried to ignore too much,

And now I am here shaking,

In some strange city.

I don't feel connected to my body,

I feel racing and suspension all at once,

My breath is never seen,

I have cold hands and knots in my stomach.

It is finally time to accept,

That I am not as solid,

As I would to believe.

I cannot go on like this,

Each new attack damages me so much.

I am searching,

For that perfect black hole,

Where I can hide out until it stops,

And I can emerge into the sunshine.